Reincarnation As I See It

Most everyone knows of Facebook. It's interesting how everyone wants to be your friend on Facebook. On FB, folks I hardly remember want to befriend me. Other ones that never wanted to be my friend in the past come out of the woodwork. Then there are your estranged family members....family members I never even knew I had. Family members of your spouses family members, friends of friends, etc., etc....

Then there are those few that have befriended me who played a part in my life's memories.

Tonight as I was checking my FB account I came across one of my best friends from grade school. She had posted some new pics so I began to look through them.

I have fond memories of us playing together. We used to build straw houses in the dirt on the playground at recess and lunchtime. We would take the worn soft pine cones from underneath the pine trees and sweep the dirt away to make different rooms of our "house". We looked forward to this activity every day. I can remember it as if it were yesterday.

My friend was black. It's funny how racism is learned. Even though my parents were never outwardly racist and always taught us to judge someone on an individual basis and not by skin color, in the early 70's it was not really acceptable to be hanging out with folks of a different skin color outside of school or church.

We always asked our parents if we could have a sleepover or visit each others home. There was always an excuse from both of our parents why we could not have a sleepover or playdate. Even though my dear friend and I never saw the color of each others skin, our parents did. I never realized until I was older why.....

As I was looking through my old school chums pics, I realized that the person I remembered and knew her to be was not the same person she is now.

That's when I started thinking about how much a person changes throughout their lifetime. From the time we are born to the time we die we can be millions of different people. From they way we look to the way we think we change from day to day, year to year in our lifetime.

If I were talk to my old friend today, although she would resemble the person I remember on the playground, she really is not. Her looks have changed, her thoughts, her ideas, her experiences through life make her a different person from who she was....as it does with us all.

So I ask, is there not such a thing as reincarnation?? Or maybe it should be called transformation.....

Monday October 19, 2009

I had a much less emotional day today....that is until the moment of now while I am trying to construct this blog. It's amazing the things that will set people off. One of my pet peeves is being interrupted while I am focused on doing something.

Interruption is a loss of my creativity.....it's gone forever. Famous artists or writers surely are uninterrupted hermits that have no family or neighbors.

I have been reading a book called A New Earth. I actually had bought and "read" this book when it was first published. Quite honestly, it never resonated with me at the time. Matter of fact, I don't even think I ever finished the book. I ended up donating it to the Goodwill.

I don't even know what possessed me to have interest in reading the book again. Whatever the reason, I ended up renting it from my local library. Reading it a second time around is totally different from the first round. Every page makes total sense now. I get it.....I know the reason behind human madness now.

During my busy day there were a few things that I wanted to blog about but now it's late and I am tired and can't think of what they may have been.

Too bad you can't take pictures of what's on your mind and save them for later.

On a last note I will say that I am in real need of some outdoor nature activity. There is something about being outdoors that settles my soul. As much as I love my home, I loathe being inside for too long.

We have been living in Austin almost 2 years now and there are still tons of trails, parks and attractions that have yet to be explored. I am so glad we were brave enough to make that scary move to a faraway place. I have not regretted it for one day and I am having the time of my life!

October 18, 2009

With the weather much cooler in the evenings, we have been sleeping with our windows open. I have to say, even though I love sleeping in a cold room I am not fond of getting out from underneath the warm blankets on a cold morning. It's usually the winter months that I tend to sleep in a little more. I am a bear in the cooler months.

This morning after I dragged myself out from underneath the warm covers I went about my usual routine of making coffee and taking the dog out to pee and poop only to find her huddled in the corner of her cage trying to avoid the little gift she had dropped off during the night....this I am sure is one of the reasons animal kennels were invented.

Once I got upstairs for my next morning ritual of checking my e-mail and forums I got a little surprise. My brother had taken on the chore of transferring our old home movies into Youtube. My trip down memory lane had me shedding both tears and laughter.

My little trip down memory lane left my already raging hormones in a frenzy. I already have had my mom on my mind a lot lately and my nightly dreams have seemed to have consisted of dreams of my grandmother on my dad's side, who I might mention is still alive and well but on her "last leg".

I have ended up making everything a really big issue today. If Toby opts to endure me until "death do us part" it will be a miracle.

My emotions today have consisted of hatred, anger, resentment, gratefulness, happiness, guilt, sadness, and back full circle.

Gotta love them female hormones. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow.

A Day at the Farm - October 17, 2009

Okay, I will be honest. We have been totally skipping school for the past week. I can't say that I am all that comfy with it. Summer on the other hand, seems happy as a pea in a pod. I guess if I had never had to do things that didn't appeal to me I also would be that happy.

I have been doing my best to involve her with daily adult learning activities like measuring, counting, reading, etc....like the unschooling handbooks speaks of. It still feels like laziness on my part to just let her do anything she wants to do and call it "learning."

I'm not sure if I can totally embrace the idea of unschooling. I can probably grasp parts of it....but, how in the hell do you learn things like division and multiplication or even what a noun, verb, or adjective without studying it. I just can't see how you can learn certain things without actually being "taught" them.

I rationalized "school" today by attending the Crow's Nest Family Fun Day. The farm is only a mile or two from our house and the farmers there are very friendly AND also homeschooled their children while they were growing up.

Before we left, Summer and I were outside enjoying the beautiful clear, cool day. The neighbor girl, Lesly was outside so we decided to ask her to join us at the farm. Although Lesly is only a year older than Summer, Summer enjoys the company of Lesly's 7 year old brother more often. To put it politely, Lesly is a little too "worldly" for Summer's liking. Summer is still a kid at heart and likes to play. Lesly is more...."mature" if you get my drift.

We had a blast. Here are some picture highlights of our day at the farm.

Animal Totems

I opened one of my e-mails this morning and this is what it read:


My dear Laura, by the time you turn 46, you could see a miracle happen in your life!

Yes, Laura! Since your birth in 1964, an invisible Divine Being has chosen to bestow on you a Secret Power that will give you Joy, Health and more Money.

And, to help you connect with this divine being -- your Spirit Animal Helper -- I want you to have this free gift:

YOUR OWL MEDALLION



I don't know about any spirit animal helpers. Lately I have had dreams of being trampled by a couple of horses, chased down by a wolf, and bitten by a snake.

I'll take the joy, health, and more money though. :-)

As of Late....October 16, 2009

O.K., I know I am being a real blogging slacker again. I have not been doing what I said I was going to do - keep a daily journal no matter how unadventurous and mundane my daily activity may be.

In all honesty, I am pretty proud of myself for keeping up with my blog as long as I have. I know it's not as fancy, elaborate, or well written as other blogs floating around out there, and I'm sure I will never earn a "Blogger of the Week" award, but that's never what I intended my blog to be in the first place.

I have always had a hard time sticking with something. I am one of those people that get real gung ho about an idea or project for a while and then promptly loose interest in a couple of months, or maybe even within a couple of days, only to move on to another project or idea that peaks my interest.

I think some people may label this sort of thing as ADHD or one of those other terms western world folk try to pin their idiosyncrasies on. I call it smart enough to know there are too many interesting things to learn and discover to waste time on any one thing for too long.

Once again, I am going to try and blog my daily activities.

Last night was pretty eventful. At bedtime Summer decides to go on a crying spree. I'll leave out all the horrid mommy details and get to the point. She was upset because we we are ridding our old furniture in order to make room for the new furniture we bought. She informed me that she does not like change and that even though she is looking forward to new furniture, she does not want our old furniture to go anywhere. If it was up to her we would be hoarders....no so lucky for her, I am quite the opposite.

*Sigh* She has had attachment issues since birth. This is one of those issues I can totally relate to. I can remember in elementary school I would not throw my paper bag that my mom sent my school lunch in because I felt like it was throwing a part of my mom and home away if I trashed it. I can remember clearly pining for my mom and my home when I was in elementary school.

My attachment was extreme but I was forced to have to deal with my "issues" early on when I had to enter school. Homeschool was not as recognized in those days and I'm almost sure my mom was one of those mom's who enjoyed the daily break away from her kids...especially one that was as fun as I was.

My mom told me stories of how I was almost "kicked out" of first grade because I cried the whole day. When she would pick me up from school each day I would have swollen eyes and a horrible headache from crying all day. No, I did not cry for just a day or two...I cried every day for my whole first grade year.

Yes, I can vividly remember those days even 40 years later. Of all the other parts of my life I have forgotten, these are the days I remember the most. The longing for my mom and home. I was a fish out of the water in school and every other place that did not include my mom, familiar people, or my home.

I guess eventually even if you don't like things, you get used to them. It took me a few years in parochial school, but I can remember some good memories of elementary school. I have to say that I went to an excellent Catholic school for my first 8 years of school. Up until my high school years I have a few fond memories of school.

These are the memories that make me half wish that I had sent Summer to "formal school" As Toby pointed out though...school and kids are way different these days than they were back in our day, and not necessarily for the better.

Even though I had a tough time the first few years of school I believe that I learned to "suck it up and deal with it" by doing something that I didn't enjoy and was uncomfortable with. I think the experience of "school" made me a stronger person.

Hopefully I have not made Summer's life so comfy that she will not know how to deal with real issues when they arise.....

I know there is much more to report about, but this is the one that sticks out most in my mind for this post.

Memories From the Past - A True Ghost Story for Halloween

My younger teenage years were not the most joyous of my life. I had plenty of issues, both personal and psychological in addition to consuming my life around a psychotic boyfriend.

One of my only sane recluses was my best friend in high school, Tracie. Our very different and strange sense of humor kept both of us quite entertained most of the time.

One particular late night my family decided to go out for ice cream - if my memory serves me correctly. My grandfather who was living with us at the time was the only one home and he was in his usual sitting spot in the living room glued to the T.V. I took advantage of this opportunity of privacy and gave my friend Tracie a call.

Our only phone was located in the kitchen. Our house was set up in a way that the kitchen had three doors - a door to the outside, a door to my bedroom, and a door to the living room. In order to have privacy for my phone conversation, I closed all three of the doors.

As I was chatting away with her in our little closed off kitchen I got up to get me something to drink out of the fridge. As I was pouring myself a glass of tea I was aware there was an ever so slight dingling sound behind me. Chattering away with Tracie, I didn't take too much note of it at first.

Through my banter, I became aware of the dingling in the backround getting louder and louder. It's at this point that I turned around to see what all the noise was about. What I saw was very disturbing to me. The dingling noise that I was hearing was the kitchen utensils swaying back and forth on the hooks they were attached to on the wall. As I watched in confusion they kept swaying more and more dramatically as if there were a gust of wind blowing them.

After blinking a few times and trying to come up with a logical explanation for the movement I finally realized the untensils were swaying freely by themselves. I dropped my freshly made glass of tea and the phone I was holding to the ground. To this day I wonder if Tracie remembers this incident.....

I kept my eyes riveted on the swaying utensils that seemed to be swaying out of control. Every hair on my body stood up as I darted to the closed living room door to escape whatever unseen phenomena that was causing such a ruckus of the utensils.

Once I made it to the door, hair on end, and eyes still glued to the out of control utensils I grabbed the door handle and turned. In a state of fear I realized the door handle would not budge as if it were locked in position and the lights began to flicker. Take note that there was no physical lock on this particular door.

I stood there a few moments in fear trying to get the door knob to turn so I could escape the entity. Finally realizing the door was not going to open willingly and the utensils had managed to fling themselves off of the hanger, I finally managed a blood curdling scream. It's only at this point that the door I had been frantically trying to open, automatically released it's locked status and freely opened itself to me.

My poor old grandfather was in the living room watching T.V. as I came flailing through the door in a state of frenzy and panic. I don't really remember exactly what I said to him, but I do remember the look on his face as I came busting through the door. I am very surprised I didn't give him a heart attack.

It was also about this time that my parents and brothers showed back up after their nightly outing. After I explained everything that had happened my whole family looked at me as though I were as insane as I felt I was.

I don't know what it was in my kitchen that night, but whatever it was followed me around for a few months after that. No matter what room of my home I tried to hide from it I felt it's presence. It knocked on walls and closet doors and shuffled around behind me like a black cloud everywhere I went.

I lived in a state of fear during this time. I can't remember exactly how long this went on before it finally disappeared. I never discussed it anymore with my parents after the initial incident....they already thought I was crazy enough and I'm sure they would have just blown it off as just some more crazy stuff to have to put up with.

Back then, I was schooled but not very educated. This memory of that time of my life has stuck with me through all my years. A few years ago as I was doing a little research on my own about psychological phenomenons I came across the term poltergeist. Even though I had seen the movie "Poltergeist" I had never connected it to myself...after all Hollywood always exaggerates and dramatizes the truth.

"Poltergeist" is a German word meaning "noisy spirit." Current research indicates, however, that poltergeist activity may have nothing to do with ghosts or spirits. Since the activity seems to center around an individual, it is believed that it is caused by the subconscious mind of that individual. It is, in effect, psychokinetic activity. The individual is often under emotional, psychological or physical stress (even going through puberty). Effects can include rappings on walls and floors, the physical movement of objects, effects on lights and other electric appliances - even the manifestation of physical phenomena.

As I was reading the definition of a poltergeist I realized that what it was was actually myself.

Yes, the mind is a powerful thing. Use it wisely.