Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Back In The Swing

After a brief blogging vacation I think I'm ready to get back into the mode. I had to give myself a long talking to and tweak my attitude a little the past few months. I certainly didn't want anyone that does not know me well enough to love me despite my faults to be a witness to the kind of person I can be when unchecked. Matter of fact, I have decided that from this post forward my blog will be a bit more realistic, possibly at some points it will be TMI. (too much information)

So, first thing on my list to chat about is Summer. Get ready, here is my first bout of blog honesty. I HATE HER SHORT HAIR CUT. It doesn't bother her one bit that she is periodically mistaken as a boy and seems to look almost proud when the mistake is made, while I find myself cringing in pain and embarrassment on the inside every time it happens. I ALSO HATE THE CLOTHES SHE PICKS OUT TO WEAR. She hates girly clothes (lace, characters, pink, fringe, puffy sleeves, etc.) and tends to gravitate toward the boy clothes section every time we shop...which wouldn't bother me quite as much if she at least looked like a girl. In some ways I feel like I have lost my daughter but I'm smart enough to know that I can't change who she is no matter hard I may try.

My little chat with myself about the issue: Be glad she is healthy, smart, and happy. Be glad she loves you and likes being around you. Be glad that she is mostly an easy child and gives very little heartache. See that it is most likely is a phase and this too shall pass if I just go with the flow with it.

We also recently joined the YMCA. We mostly did it for Summer's benefit for the sports but Toby and I are utilizing the lap pool and weight room. Even though I run most every morning and do core workouts I'm hoping to nip my "bat wings" in the bud. As far as the YMCA is concerned, I think we all will benefit.

Recently Toby and I have been able to spend a little more alone time together also. As Summer ages and matures we are able to leave her at home while we run our errands or go grab a bite to eat. She prefers to stay at home the older she gets while we run errands so this is an easy way for us to be TOBY AND LAURA and not MOM AND DAD for a few hours a week.

And last but not least, 'ole Bo is calming down a bit and has finally learned his place in our home. Again, here is some honesty: Bo is a big fat pain in the ass in more ways than I can name but I love him despite. He forces me to work way more than what I want to and I have never owned a dog with such a dominant personality...I guess I have met my match..

So far, 2012 has had a good start. I foresee that our lives and the things we do as a family are changing though. But, things change and so do people...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A New Year, A New Beginning

Well, the beginning of 2012 has not been bad so train wrecks at least. Last year started off with the death of my little Brandi and the adoption of a tornado-like dog I like to sometimes call Monster.

All in all 2011 wasn't a horrible year - meaning it could have been worse - but it certainly wasn't my best years.

The record breaking drought and extreme triple digit temps last year also put a damper on my own soul and I'm sure of everyone else affected by it.

Also, for whatever reason, I also felt a little isolated and lonely for most of the I'm not living up to my own standards...

One good thing that came out of the year is that I started a regular running/walking routine. It's the longest I have ever stuck with an exercise routine and it has become a habit that is ingrained in my daily life now.

I know I have been quite lately, but quite honestly it's because I have not had much to say. Most of my thoughts have been very personal. I'm usually a very open person about my thoughts and feelings but somehow I'm feeling very protective of what I think and feel lately...maybe because they are not pretty thoughts and feelings.

Hopefully I will sort out whatever is going on in my mind soon and I will be able to put my life on paper regularly again..

Monday, January 2, 2012


HAIR is a major source of aggravation for many women, myself included. Maybe it's because a woman's beauty is defined by her hair so the way our hair looks is always under a microscope.

For the past couple of months Summer has wanted to cut her hair boy short. I kept thinking like most of her wild ideas this idea would pass so I have been patiently waiting it out.

When I was younger my mother always insisted that I keep my hair short..for whatever reason. I always hated it and felt very naked when one more time I let her convince me of a super short cut my senior year of high school. I hated it and couldn't wait for the day for it to grow back out.

Confidence is something I've never had and to have very short hair was very exposing me. I felt naked and vulnerable. I used, and still use, my longer hair to hide behind.

In my opinion, two things have to be present for a woman to sport a short cut...confidence or true facial beauty...or just smart enough to know that a super short cut is the way to go for a busy, no fuss kind of woman.

When my daughter offered to pay for her own haircut out of her allowance if I would just take her to the salon, I knew she was serious. I reluctantly took her.

I cringed as I watched the stylest cut her hair off in wads and throw it to the floor.

Sometimes it's so hard to let your child be a separate individual from who you want them to be. Sometimes we parents tend to try and make their children miniature versions of themselves and their desires and when that is challenged it can be quite uncomfortable. But I sucked it up and let her express herself in a way that SHE felt most comfortable. From experience I know that whatever gets repressed will eventually be expressed.

So, it's been two days since her new "do". It's been more traumatizing for me than it has been her.

Sometimes experiences aren't always just for the person experiencing them. Sometimes the viewer is the "student".

She has been called as a lesbian, told she looked like a boy, and avoided because she looks so different from the way she did before and she still remains totally emotionally intact. I would have fallen apart.

It became obvious to me that my daughter is blessed with a lot thicker skin than I am and that what other people think of her hairstyle preference does not sway her decision on what SHE likes.

When I asked her if their comments hurt her feelings she said.."A little, but what they think really doesn't matter as much as what I think.".

Her thinking will serve her well in her future endeavors. I still struggle with being true to myself and my daughter has figured it out in only 10 years.