My Kind of Rain

You never know how much you care about someone until their health is compromised.

Last Wednesday Toby started complaining about some lower left side back pain. I really didn't think much about it initially because he does have a tendency to have occasional unexplained aches and pains. I usually mentally contribute his pains to his predominately sedentary lifestyle and extra "baggage' he carries around with him.

This pain has been different though. He has spent a lot of time soaking in a hot bath and I can tell he is in pain when he moves around. I also am awakened during the night by the sounds of him grunting in pain as he tries to get in a comfortable sleeping position. He even came home from work early last night, something he has very rarely..if ever...done.

What worries me the most is he says it doesn't feel like a muscle. If it were anywhere else on his body..shoulder, leg, etc.,  I wouldn't be quite as concerned but I know there are a lot of vital body parts in the torso area.  I won't even share what sort of  detrimental scenarios I have let my imagination dream up as the cause of his pain.

Of course, we are "self-employed" so health insurance is not a household name for us. With the exception of Summer who is on Children's Medicaid of Texas,  when we (Toby or me)  get sick we either have to suck it up and move on until it goes away, self medicate, self-diagnose, use home/natural remedies or just die...Period. That's just the way it is and what we are accustomed to.

We have both done our research on the Internet and presume that it may possibly be a pinched nerve. Of course we are not doctors but not having health insurance for most of my adult life has made me more perceptive in matters of health. Being able to listen to our own instincts about our bodies and how we feel has more than once proven to be more reliable than those of a health care professional that has no mental or physical connection to us.

That said, I know there are times that a doctor is necessary, but we save those times in cases of emergency or when there are no other alternatives.

I remember when I was going through pre-menopause in my late 30's I bled for 3 weeks straight. I finally went to the doc only because I wanted to stop bleeding all over everything in my path.

Doc scraped my pelvic walls and sent it off to the lab sending me out the door to the tune of  $250 and they would "call and let me know".

A week later I got a call from the doc office telling me I needed to come in. I won't lie I was scared. I'm sure  it was meant for me to be scared. What better way to manipulate a person than with the fear of the unknown??

I was nervous as a cat as I waited for the doc to enter the room and give me the verdict. Instead of a verdict I got a lecture and a ticket to come back with another $250 for another cervix scraping. Apparently the lab couldn't get a good reading from the previous one because of all the bleeding that I had going on.

I immediately went from scared to pissed. Not only was doc - the same doc that delivered my daughter just a couple of years earlier - asking me to fork out more money (that I didn't have) to do the same thing I just paid for a week earlier he was lecturing me on all the possibilities of things that could be wrong with me that could kill me and how I was going to leave my daughter behind with no mother if I didn't pay for more tests.

I won't lie, I was scared and numb when I walked out of that doc's office without scheduling another appointment for another test, but there was that other part of me that well....I don't know...maybe self-preservation???

Either way, I never went back for that second lab test and 10 years later I feel physically and mentally better than I ever have.  I think your mind and the way you think is the most important thing when it comes to health.

I almost feel blessed not to have health insurance. It makes me more aware of my own body and keeps me self-educated in the matters of health. It also makes me responsible for my own well-being.

Hopefully it wall all work itself out and hubby will be back to normal soon....CROSSING MY FINGERS!!

UPDATE: Hubby's back is feeling better with a little TLC. :-)