Monday, May 4, 2009

Missing Mama's

The other day while we were headed to some unrecalled destination, my daughter asked me out of the blue.."Do you miss your mom?" Her innocent question initially caught me off guard. There had been no talk of mama's, grandma's, or missing anybody on this particular car ride.

My mom has been deceased for several years now. Summer was only a little over a year old when she died so she has no real memory of her other than pictures.

So anyway, although I thought it was an odd question for her to be asking, I told her "yes" I do miss my mom. She then told me that she would miss me too if I were dead. Good thing for a mama to know. :-)

As usual, her inquisitiveness always gets me on a thinking train. I thought about how different, yet how much alike my mother and I are. We were never what I would call close. Although mom always filled all our physical needs, she was always a bit emotionally distant, making sure to save hugs, kisses, and I love you's only for rare occasions. Even so, somehow we always found comfort in each others company after I was married and had my son.

Looking back, I don't think I ever knew my mother at all...except for just being my mother. Sure, I knew what kind of clothes she wore, what kind of music she liked, her pet peeves, etc. but I really didn't KNOW her.

Funny how life is. Now that she is gone and I am much older, I could think of a million things I would ask her....things I would want to know about her. What is her favorite color? What are her regrets? What would she have wanted to do if she didn't get married and have kids? What is the thing she is most proud of? Intimate questions and intimate conversations.

Since my mom died I have this slight obsession. When I am out and about, I look out for grown daughters and their mothers shopping, sightseeing, or whatever they may be doing together. I observe their behavior and envision my mother and I doing the same thing. I find the older I get the more I would like to have my mother around, as opposed to having her around when I was in my twenties. I feel I could relate to her better now.....but, that's not the way it worked out. I can only hope that I will be around for my daughter later in her life. Only time will tell.

Yes, yes, I am envious of those moms and daughters that I see out together. Yes, I miss having another person around that cares about my children as much as I do..someone that wants to share in their life and in mine. Someone to take them to the park, buy them things, and spoil them as a grandparent would.

Yes, a daughter benefits grately from her mother's presence.


  1. My mother passed in 2005 and I still have two images of her posted to the wall next to my computer. I think of her almost daily. However, we were not close, expecially in the sense that a daughter could be close to her mother. My daughter, Libbie, is close to her mother (my wife, Ellen), and they speak on the phone 3-4 times a week, and we see her at least once a week. Libbie is 27 now, and we are more friends that merely related. She was with Ellen and myself when we visited Texas this past March.....she was born in Austin. Sadly I never took the time to really know my mother, but then again, she wasn't the intellectual in the family. I think both her and Daddy (he passed in 1979) never really had the opportunity to develop intellecturally -- they were a product of the depression and providing for their family was utmost on their minds. Not to sound snobbish or elitist, but all of their children, me and and brothers and sister, achieved more intellectually. We all took different paths and have lived interesting and challenging lives, but sadly those pathes have not allowed us to bond as a family -- I'm only close to my older brother. Just the opposite with my wife's very large family (her mother had 8 brothers and sisters). So tell Summer that, yes, we miss our mothers AND our fathers, but not always for the same reasons.

  2. Hug your daughter tight.

    I still have my mom and every time we're together I try to cherish each moment.

    I try to do the same thing with my girls as well.

  3. Sorry girl...although I have my momma still in my life, there are those that I still miss so very deeply I can spring a tear with a simple thought of them.


  4. I read your post in Gemel and decided to check your blog..Your writing was very touching to me..I have a sick mom that lives 3 1/2 hours away from me..and I do not see her as much as I like...reading this reminded me of how precious and short the moments are with those we love.and how we can never go back. Thank you for the reminder.